Why do we always have to pick titles for shit like this? You're just embarrassed of it 3 months later anyway. What's wrong with "my blog.com".Then 5 years later you don't have to explain to people why you have that stupid email, which you want to change but everyone has it now so fuck it. You know the one I'm talking about...Iheartpinkpowerranger@lsd.com. Yeah she was cute, anyway this blog has really gone downhill, gonna lay off the poetry for a little while, just write what's on my brain. So I was thinking in a most sarcastic manner, what else could I have named this heap of blog. Lets ponder shall we?

• Soft words by a winter's fire

• Words that mean stuff

• Romantic poetry that isn't romantic 

• I feed you words, you eat them

• I read you poem you run away

• Stealing hearts and gifting farts

• Don't read my diary, it's empty

• No one read my blog, I quit

• I draw I poet I sexy and I know it

• I angry I sad I write what is bad

I'm out.

Bad blogger is an understatement. I know.I'm using the platform for my own personal stress ball? you could say.

I live with agoraphobia. Google describes it as an "extreme or irrational fear of open or public places." Leaving the house basically and for the record Google doesn't have the coldest definition I've heard to date. 

My home is my safe place but not always. Who is ever truly safe all the time. Of course I have depression, what 34 year old anxiety riddled nutfuck doesn't have depression!? Not to mention trying enough different medications to fund a small pharmaceutical company. 

Oh, I went out yesterday though! I went grocery shopping and to the movies, all in one day! My legs felt like jelly the entire time and it was exhausting. PRETENDING TO BE NORMAL IS EXHAUSTING.

My biological father contacted me for the first time ever a few weeks ago and I think my neighbor is a rejected attempt at creating an anti-christ. She's just not very pleasing to the masses (She's ugly), so I guess Satan just had to keep on trying. Anyway, enough about me, how have you been?

Was I a monster in a previous life?

Do I deserve to be miserable?

Can't I get a break?

Can I have freedom?

Why do I have a companion that cannot love?

Did I ask for that?

Doesn't he know what he's done?

Is this all self pity?

Life, give me a second chance!

Give the the strength to say "get out

And don't ever fucking come back".

Give me the strength to be me.

A separate channel I have for some more light hearted video's about my families pets including mine, also randomness. Sub to that channel if you want to see more of those videos as I won't be posting them here. x

Music: by TeknoAXE : https://www.youtube.com/user/teknoaxe

Sound Effects : http://www.freesfx.co.uk/

I have currently been drawing some illustrations for my poetry/stories. The below drawing is for a poem/story called Which Way and is currently being uploaded to YouTube now. Will post it here tomorrow and possibly a preview of my illustrations for my next story.

Song is Dark City By Audionautix : http://www.audionautix.com

Written or spoken?

On a personal note, I have been writing on and off for many years. I wanted to be a writer in high school, religiously reading every new goosebumps that was released by R.L Stine. Writing is one of those subjects that you can never stop learning about, there is always something new to discover. Whether it be about story writing, poetry or editing etc. Being a person with acute anxiety, having someone read something that I have written is quite daunting. Nobody wants to be judged or told what they have created is crap!

That being said, I feel like it's about time I just put my writing out there. Fortunately, being the internet, I can remain faceless if I want to and have complete control as to whether or not to continue this endeavor. Time will tell I guess.  Finishing this I should probably make sure the next poem I upload is the one I have written on this very subject, it is called Doubt. Find it if you read this..

I take these photo's with my Iphone 5 and could literally spend hours editing them. Half of them I don't intend to use at the time but I get carried away playing around with the photo effects. My favorite editing app at the moment is called Mega Photo Pro:200+ Real-Time Camera Effects, adding the 200+ because there is one with 100+ that I have not tried, I'm guessing by the number it has less effects. I will put a link here for it, If you have any photo editing apps that give photo's that horror theme type feel, let me know! Will post more soon that I am still testing out.

P.S you can really see that eyeball is rubber in the last pic, I should crop that.